


Can you find me soon, cause I’m in my head

by Babybuckleydiaz



Series: Buddie Tumblr Prompts [9]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Drowning, Eddie Díaz is a good boyfriend, Hurt Evan "Buck" Buckley, M/M, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Protective Eddie Diaz, Sad Evan "Buck" Buckley, Swearing, Worried Eddie Diaz
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:28:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23851582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Babybuckleydiaz/pseuds/Babybuckleydiaz
Summary: For a promt: After like a week or two after 3x15 Buck, Eddie and Chris has a movie night wich ends with Buck spending the night in the Diaz house where Eddie finds out Buck is not okay. He is having nightmares shouting out Chris` and Eddie`s name when the tsunami and Eddie being trapped morphes into one dream with Buck waking up and having panic attacks.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Series: Buddie Tumblr Prompts [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1712443
Comments: 3
Kudos: 268





	Can you find me soon, cause I’m in my head

“No, it’s Bucky’s turn to pick!” Eddie rolls his eyes and sits back down, having just gotten up to pick another movie for them to watch but it seems as though his son was going to have other ideas about that. “Don’t feel so bad, Eds.” Buck begins with a laugh from where he had been sitting on the other side of Christopher, who looks up between Buck and his father with a happy expression adoring his face. “If I’m picking the movie, then it actually means Chris is picking it.” Eddie sniggered at what his boyfriend had said and agreed, because Buck was completely wrapped around Christopher’s finger and would so absolutely anything the kid asked of him. It was enduring most of the time.

“He’s right, daddy.” Christopher adds on with a serious expression, causing Eddie to burst out into laughter as he shakes his head at his kid’s honesty, Buck rolling his eyes with a cheerful smile stretched across his lips. “Hey, the kids honest.” Christopher giggles so loudly when Buck leans over to tickle his stomach before getting up, remembering what movie Christopher had said during dinner that he wanted to watch. “Let me guess. Moana.” Eddie sighs with an annoyed look, he’s been forced to watch that movie so many times since he bought it, especially after the Tsunami happened. Christopher took a fascination with the movie, and Eddie knew it was because it must have helped to see the water as something that he doesn’t need to be scared of anymore. Eddie takes a moment to look at Buck, who he knows has developed such a large fear of water because of the event. The older firefighter doesn’t blame him in the slightest, Buck and Christopher had almost died and that was enough to make him not fond of water either.

“You’re are correct, Mr Diaz.” Buck says over his shoulder as he takes a moment to search for the movie, grumbling about how Eddie has far too many DVDs when all these movies were online. Eddie smiles, that’s rich coming from someone who has a million CDs when he has the same music on his phone.

“Ha! Found it!” Buck cried out in triumph and held up the movie case like it was treasure, and Eddie know he’s doing it because it will get a laugh out of Christopher. And that’s what the young boy does without fail, his giggling filling the room as he looks up at his father with the happiest expression on his face. “Bucky’s silly.” He notes and Buck looks over his shoulder to glare at Buck when his boyfriend laughs and agrees with his son. “Wow, betrayed by my own boys.” Eddie can’t help but think about how much he loves this man, who has done nothing but made him and his son’s life so much happier; able to brighten their lives just by being around.

“You’re silly, but we love you Bucky.” Buck smiles so happily at Christopher when he had spoken. “Well, then you’re both forgiven.” He retorts with a serious look in his eyes, even though there was a sly smile worming its way onto his face. “Oh hey, I don’t here I love you guys, Buck. That’s a bit mean.” Eddie joins in on the joking as well, having a mock expression of disbelief on his face. Buck stands up after he’s put on the movie, returning to his spot on the couch beside Christopher; sticking his tongue out at Eddie in response. To which Eddie just rolls his eyes and wonders why he loves someone who has the personality of a six year old. “I love you guys too.” Buck ends up saying it anyway, and despite the false reluctance in his voice the look in his eyes has nothing but love for the two people sitting on the couch with him.

“Shh, movie’s starting!”

Eddie and Buck exchange a look with silent laughs when Christopher had spoken, his eyes fixated to the screen as the movie began to play. Christopher leans into Buck’s side, the older man wrapping his arm around the kid as he too begins to watch the movie. Eddie takes this moment to snap a picture of the two most important people in his life curled up together; making his heart completely melt in his chest. He takes the time to send the photo to Maddie, who loved getting these photos of her brother being content and happy with his family. She said it made her so happy that someone loved his brother as much as he and Christopher did, that he deserved to this type of love more than anyone she knew.

**From: Future Sis-In-Law  
they look so happy! Keep up the good work, Diaz!**

At the message, Eddie smiles as he phones his eyes and put his phone back into his pocket and begins to watch the movie with his family; both of his boys’ eyes fixated to the screen.

There was one part in the movie that Eddie was a little worried about, where Moana seems as though she is going to drown and it made him worry about Buck’s reaction to it. So sure enough, when the part came on Eddie found himself turning his head to look at Buck and his reaction to it. He could see how Buck had a deep frown on his face, his mouth pressed into a tight line, his body seeming to tense up.

Eddie reached out and took Buck’s hand into his own, the younger man looking over at him and giving him a grateful smile as he gave the hand in his a gentle squeeze. The action was a wordless ‘I’m okay’ that he didn’t want to say out loud; but it showed his thankfulness for his boyfriend understanding him easily.

They got through the remainder of the movie easily, Buck growing relaxed once more as he kept Eddie’s hand in his own the entire time with Christopher still lying against him. The young boy was growing tired, eyes barely able to stay open by the time the credits to the movie rolled down the screen, Buck looking down at the boy in his arms. “Ready for bed, kiddo?” His voice is barely above a whisper, not wanting to disturb the relaxed and peacefulness they found themselves in. Christopher yawned loudly as he nodded his head but no move to remove himself from Buck, Eddie chuckling at the action. “You wanna put him to bed then?” Buck didn’t hesitate and showed no annoyance at having to do it; instead he nodded his head as he picked the boy up who in turn rested his head against the man’s shoulder.

“I’ll meet you in bed, babe.” Buck explained as he began to small trek into Christopher, Eddie just sitting there and watching him disappear down the hallway for a moment. Eddie got up and burned off the movie, not bothering to clean up the cups that sat empty on the table and would leave them for tomorrow morning, he was tired and just looking forward to going to sleep. Yawning, Eddie made his way into the bedroom and began to get himself ready for bed with tired movements. Climbing into the bed, he laid there awake as he waited for his boyfriend to enter; which he did a minute after he got comfortable.

“Kid fell asleep the moment his head hit the pillow.” Buck noted with a fond chuckle as he began to get ready for bed himself, Eddie noting how tired he looked as he moved around the room. “If it was any other movie he would have fallen asleep halfway through.” Eddie spoke with a smile, one that Buck couldn’t see in the darkness of the room but could hear when he talked.

Buck was quiet as he climbed into the bed, yawning quietly but dramatically as he lay down beside his boyfriend. Both of them moved without talking as Buck lay on his side, Eddie movie to bring the other flush against his chest and wrap an arm around his waist. Eddie pressed a kiss to the back of Buck’s head, and in turn Buck had reached down to entwine his finger’s wish Eddie’s, already beginning to doze off. “Night, baby.” Eddie said, already beginning to fall asleep once he grew comfortable with the position and Buck humming in response to what had been said. It was obvious that he was already beginning to doze off in the arms of the man that he loved.

“Wake me up early and I’ll kill you.” Was the last thing that Buck had the strength to say with words slurred with sleep, Eddie snorting as he briefly smiled. They both had a day off tomorrow, something that doesn’t happen that often at the same time and they were going to spend it well; and that meant sleeping all day after Abuela picked up Christopher for a sleepover.

\------------

_Buck doesn’t know how he found himself back underwater, vision blurred and barely able to see his own hand in front of his own face; surrounded by dirtied water and too much debris. His lungs screamed for him to take a breath as he fought his way to the surface, using everything he had in him to not get dragged down by a force that he couldn’t see._

_He took a giant heap of oxygen when he finally managed to break the surface of the water, splashing around as he managed to gather his own surroundings and what was going on. The Tsunami, he was in the tsunami and all he knew is that he didn’t have Christopher with him. Where was Christopher? He felt as though someone had gripped his heart with their bare hands and gave it a crushing squeeze with the amount of fear that worked throughout his body. “Christopher!” He screamed, as loud as he could despite the aching in his throat and how chocked up it was with the need to break down and sob. He grunted in pain when he felt something knock into him, and for a moment he found himself flailing back underneath the water. He looked down, eyes hurting, and made a noise of fear when he saw a hand gripping his ankle, the person attached to it doing what they could to drag him down._

_With his heart in his throat, Buck kicked at the hand in an attempt to get free and reach the surface, he needed to find Christopher and make sure they kid was okay. He looked at the face of the person holding his legs, seeing huge white eyes with no pupils and mouth open in a snarl. He let out all the air he had trapped in his lungs with with an open mouth scream, the sound muffled by the water rushing into his mouth. He gave one more kick and was able to finally get himself free, moving as quick as he can to get himself free and rush as quick as he could to the surface once again._

_He didn’t even stop as he dragged lungs into his pain filled lungs, moving quickly as he could away from the area that wanted to become his doom. “Christopher!” His voice broke as he screamed, looking around for any sign of the boy that he loved as his own; feeling nothing but fear when he didn’t get a response. “Chris! Please, where are you?!” Buck’s filled with nothing but desperation as he screamed as loud as he could, tears already sliding down his cheeks as he looked around wildly._

_“Buck!”_

_Buck’s head turned so quickly in the direction that he heard Christopher’s voice come from, sobbing in relief when he saw the little boy holding onto a light pole in an attempt to keep himself above the water. “Christopher! Keep calling out to me, I’m coming!” As the words left his mouth, the young man was already on the move towards the young boy, ignoring how badly his own body ached as he swam towards Christopher. “Buck! Help!” The fear that was in the boy’s voice broke Buck’s heart to hear, but hearing Christopher was better than not hearing him at all; it meant he was still above water._

_He swam and swam as quickly as he could, just out of arms reach from the boy when he saw Christopher’s grip on the light pole loosen. Buck watched with absolute horror as the kid was dragged under the water once again, one final cry of Buck’s name before he was completely gone. “No! Christopher! No!” He screamed, only to be pulled under the water once again by the grip on his ankle, and he braced himself to be forced under the surface once more._

_Only he hit solid ground._

_He was no longer in the tsunami, instead he found himself standing in the rain surrounded by the team at the 118, each one looking devastated as they stood around. Buck gasped as he realised where he was, Eddie was in danger and Buck wasn’t there to have his back. “We gotta help him! Bobby!” When Buck cried that out he could still taste the salt water in his mouth, it still felt like his lungs had been filling up with water despite being on solid ground.  
  
“He’s gone, Buck! We can’t get to him. He’s gone.” Bobby was speaking to him, but Buck found that he couldn’t accept the words that were being spoken to him. No! They can’t just give up on Eddie, not when he would never even dream of giving up on any of them. “Bobby, we can’t leave him down there. We can’t do that!” The sob was threatening to be torn from his throat when he saw the remorseful look on his team’s face and he felt shocked; they were really giving up on Eddie. “Alright, pack it up. We can’t do anything.” Buck could only watch, completely dumbfounded because this isn’t how this was supposed to go, they can’t just leave Eddie to die. _

_“Cap, no! Please, he’s still alive.” He was no longer yelling, in fact he was downright pleading as tears streamed down his face. He momentarily looked down, and he frowned when he noticed that he was wearing the close he wore on the day the tsunami hit. He shook his head, that wasn’t the important thing right now. The important thing was that Eddie was down there and they needed to get to him, but no one was doing anything about it._

_“Even if he’s gone, we can’t leave him.” Buck explained, but it seemed to go on deaf ears as he was ignored by everyone around him; no one bothering with a response to the crying firefighter._

_So Buck did the only thing that he was able to. He dropped to the ground and began to dig into the dirt with his own bare hands._

_“Eddie! Please!” He begged, sobbing as he continued to dig; ignoring the stinging pain in his hands as he refused to give up._

**_“Buck, wake up!”_ **

_Buck looked up, looking utterly confused and lost as he heard Eddie’s voice come from somewhere around him, but that didn’t make any sense to his already scrambled thoughts. Eddie was stuck, and he needed to get to him. “Eddie.” He cried out, the word barely understandable in amongst the sobs that didn’t seem to stop._

_**“Evan! Come on, I need you to wake up.”**_

Buck gave a choked cry of Eddie’s name as he bolted upright into a sitting position, breaths harsh and deep as he looked around him with wide eyes. Eddie was by his side the instant he was up, moving to sit in front of his partner, already knowing that his open eyes weren’t seeing anything that was in front of him. “Hey, hey, hey. You’re okay, Evan. You’re safe, I promise.” Eddie’s own tone was filled with desperation because his loved one was in pain and he wasn’t able to help him right now; and the thought of being useless was tearing his heart up.

“No... There’s water eve-everywhere. Chris…” Buck’s voice was coming out in a whimper, the sound so incredibly small and heartbreak for Eddie to hear. “No, sweetheart. There’s no water. Come on, Evan. Hear my voice.” Eddie begged, wanting to reach out and touch his partner but knowing that right now it would most likely do more damage than good; he needed his boyfriend to be able to understand him. “Come on, Evan. Come back to me, you’re safe. Christopher is safe. We all are.” Promised Eddie and he saw Buck shift his eyes to him, tears endlessly sliding down his cheeks as he shook his head.

“Eddie.” Whined Buck with the most hurt sob that Eddie has ever heard, his entire body shaking as he reached out and latched onto the material of Eddie’s shirt. He needed to feel something to let him know that Eddie was in front of him, that he still wasn’t stuck under the ground. “Yeah, baby. It’s Eddie.” Promised Eddie, and since Buck had grabbed onto him and began to reach forward to place his hands on Buck’s cheeks; he needs the other to look at him completely. “Alright love, I’m going to place my hands on your face, okay?” He warned beforehand, not wanting to do anything to frighten the man more than he already was.

There was some relief he felt when Buck didn’t flinch away or hit his hands the moment the palm of his hand came in contact with the pale skin of his cheeks. “Hey, look at me. And only me, okay.” Buck’s eyes were blinking from Eddie to around the room, shaking it fear at something he could see that Eddie couldn’t. “Water. It’s everywhere.” He explained in a broken voice, still trapped inside his nightmare despite having woken up. “Evan, look at me. Just at me.” Eddie’s voice had taken more of a serious tone, his words still kind and it seemed to work, Buck letting his eye’s fall on Eddie’s own.

“There isn’t any water, love. You’re in our bed, you’re safe.” There was a tone in Eddie’s voice, one that begged for Buck to trust in what he was saying. “You trust me, yeah?” He asked, and despite the way that Buck’s mind was working against him he didn’t even hesitate before nodding his head, not wanting to reply on his voice right now. “Good, then trust me when I say that there isn’t any water in sight.” Eddie could tell that Buck’s mind was beginning to become his own once again, can see it in his eyes when he looked over Eddie’s shoulder and around the room.

“There isn’t any water…” Buck whispered, and that seemed to switch something in his mind because the moment he uttered those words he couldn’t help but burst into a fit of harsh sounding sobs. And Eddie didn’t even hesitate for a moment, he pulled Buck into his arms and let the younger man bury his face in the crook of his neck. Buck’s entire body was shaking under the force of his own crying, hands holding onto the front of Eddie’s shirt with a deadly tight grip.

“I have you, you’re okay. You’re okay.” Eddie soothed in the gentlest voice that Buck has ever heard, the tone deep and vibrations when he spoke helping Buck to accept that Eddie was here and alive. “You don’t need to talk right now, okay? I have you, we’re all safe and okay.” Eddie explained, knowing that Buck wasn’t someone who could find comfort in talking about his nightmares the moment it happened. It helped him to wait, until he was completely calm and not on the verge of passing out because of a panic attack; so Eddie wasn’t going to force him.

“I-I need to see Chris. P-Please.” Begged Buck, fearing that for some reason Eddie would deny the request to just walk down the hall and look into the kid’s room. But Eddie doesn’t do that, instead he pulls Buck away from his body just enough to smile comfortingly at him; taking a moment to cut the side of his face and use the pad of his thumb to wipe away tears. “Of course we can, sweetheart.”

Sighing in relief, Buck allowed himself to be helped up out of the bed and down the hall; Eddie refusing to let him go for even a second. Not that it was something that bothered Buck, instead it was something that was helping to ground him in reality. Eddie was quiet as he opened the door to Christopher’s room, beyond glad that the young boy had managed to stay a sleep even despite Buck yelling in his sleep. He turned his attention to Buck, able to see how the other man visibly sagged in relief when he saw that they kid was sleeping in bed; safe.

“Thank you.” Whispered Buck, looking up at his boyfriend with his eyes shiny with fresh tears, and Eddie smiled at him so softly as he closed the door to Christopher’s room. “You don’t need to thank me, baby. Not for this.” He reminded, not surprised at all when the other man didn’t decide to respond to what had been said. “Do you wanna go lay down, it’s still early?” Questioned Eddie, not moving from the hallway until he knew what it was that Buck wanted to do, what it was that would help him right now.

“I think I might make a cup of tea first.” Is what Buck had responded with and Eddie doesn’t feel any annoyance at not being able to go back to sleep, not when Buck needed him after the terrible night that he had just had. “Alright, you go ahead and sit on the couch, I’ll make it for you.” Eddie easily offered, because he also knows that his boyfriend prefers how he makes their tea anyway, always complaining that he can’t make it as good.  
  
“No wait, I wanna stay with you.” Buck quickly said, the panic in his eyes at being alone causing Eddie’s heart to clench painfully inside his chest. “Hey, that’s okay, love.” The dark haired man quickly consoled, not wanting Buck to feel bad for the sudden loud and begging tone. “Come on, then. Do you wanna talk now or in the morning?” Buck seemed to take a moment to think about the question he had been asked as they entered the kitchen, the taller one sitting at the table while Eddie worked away to make two cups of tea. “Uhm, tomorrow… if that’s alright?”

“That’s perfectly fine, Buck. We can take this at your pace, there isn’t any rush.” Buck couldn’t help but feel tears burn in his eyes again, unable to believe that someone as wonderful and patient as Eddie loved him. He wonders how the hell he got so lucky when Eddie asked him out on that date last year. “You’re amazing, Eds. You know that, right?” The words that Buck had said caused Eddie to smile bashfully, looking so damn handsome as he stood there doing something as making a cup of tea. “And you’re a sweetheart. You know that, right?”

Buck was so grateful for this, that Eddie was able to understand that he needed to distraction to keep his mind away from the nightmare that his own brain had forced upon him. Eddie was always able to be so understanding of what Buck needed without even having talk about it, because he knew Buck better than anyone else ever has before. And Buck is so deeply in love with him.

He just continues to listen as Eddie talks enough for the both of them, Buck’s smile soft and loving as he just takes in the scene. Just listening to Eddie ramble about whatever came to his head; a smile playing on his face the entire time. 

**Author's Note:**

> title from IDK You Yet - Alexander 23
> 
> this one honestly got away form me, and i think it's my favourite one i've written so far.  
> thank you guys so much for reading and i hope that you like it.  
> stay safe guys!


End file.
